Fundamental Change of Outlook

I’ve decided to stop getting stressed over things I can’t change. No. Really. Stop laughing… I’m right here you know!

Anyone who has spent any amount of time around me will know that anxiety is a good friend of mine. All those sad little thoughts mount up at the back of my mind until they spill over and show me exactly how the life I’ve built for myself could go horrifically wrong. Then comes the sadness, the anger, the frustration and the absolute shitting terror. There’s a lot out there to worry about and I tend to let it influence me more than other people I know… unless they just hide it better.

Anyway, it took living with someone to really understand what a problem anxiety was. Living alone you have no perspective. You don’t know what it’s doing to you and the potential it has to mess with other people. It’s very hard to get a good sense of your own mannerisms when you live on your own. That and you just don’t care as much.

So here we are at the end of the decade with Christmas bearing down on us. This is me making a conscious decision to not sweat the small stuff, or the big stuff that I have no control over.

We’ll see how it goes…

3 thoughts on “Fundamental Change of Outlook

  1. Ali Hale says:

    Good luck… I suspect a lot of folks struggle their whole lives to achieve that sort of serenity.

    I find that it helps to remind myself that, in many cases, what *I* can control is my response or reaction to something … even when the event itself is out of my hands.

    (Trying to remind self of this at the moment, have been put into my second choice class for my MA next term, which I’m feeling is really not going to be so useful to me as the one I actually wanted. Sigh. It’s my own fault for forgetting to send in my choices on the day, cos I knew it was first come first served…)

  2. Sam says:

    Thanks Ali! I’m sure I’ll blog or tweet my progress! The whole self-control thing was one of those revelations that really shouldn’t have been. There’s also pleasure in just knowing you can take control when you want to. Actively affecting positive change in yourself is a self-reinforcing exercise.

    Sorry to hear you didn’t get onto your module of choice! You can look at it in one of two ways…

    First is that you’ve paid your university hideous amounts of money for the privilege of them hosting a regular workshop group for you. By not letting their students study the areas in which they wish to specialise they devalue their course.

    Second is that running an MA also costs hideous amounts of money and due to the lack of research funding in the arts sector it’s hard to imagine many of these courses making a profit. The last year or so has not been pleasant for any institution and the university likely can’t afford to hire enough staff to run all the modules they wish. This means they have to make tough choices when it comes to student numbers.

    First come, first served seems a bit harsh though. Not everyone is going to be in a position to be first. I guess it depends how much of a fuss you want to make. After all, your second choice may yet turn out to be the best thing for you!

  3. Ali Hale says:

    It’s the right area (fiction) — I just got the impression that this one’s going to be very exercise-based, which I don’t find especially helpful (I’m midway through a novel). But yeah, I’m looking at it more positively today, figuring it’ll be what I make of it, so to speak…. thanks! 🙂

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